


if i lose myself

by fictionalinfinity



Series: Miraculous Fanworks Server Anniversary 2020 [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrinette | Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Akumatized Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Ladrien | Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalinfinity/pseuds/fictionalinfinity
Summary: When Adrien gets akumatized, Marinette must work to save the boy she loves. She might just discover a few things along the way.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: Miraculous Fanworks Server Anniversary 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009470
Comments: 14
Kudos: 100
Collections: Miraculous Fanworks Anniversary 2020





	if i lose myself

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Anniversary Miraculous Fanworks!
> 
> Special thank you to my lovely beta [silv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMoonSky/pseuds/SilverMoonSky) <3

Marinette hadn’t been worried when Adrien failed to arrive to class. It wasn’t unusual for him to arrive late in the mornings if a photoshoot ran over or his father kept him. Usually Adrien shot her a text if that was the case, but he didn’t always have access to his phone. Although Marinette frowned at the empty seat in front of her, she wasn’t about to try and track him down. 

Returning her attention to the board, Marinette scribbled down some notes at the bottom of the page. She sighed, before turning to the next one and continuing her thoughts there. 

Without warning, the door flew open with a bang. Marinette jerked her head in the direction of the noise, eyes widening. 

It was Adrien. 

Only, it wasn’t quite him. 

His skin was grayish in color, while his hair had turned pitch black. His lovely green eyes had been replaced with glowing red ones. He wore a tight black suit, criss crossed with veins and speckles of white. His mask, black with red spots, strangely reminded her of Mister Bug.

“Marinette!” The akuma exclaimed excitedly, rushing over towards her. “I missed you!”

“A-Adrien,” Marinette stuttered. She looked upon her boyfriend in shock. “What? I- Are you alright?”

“Much better now that I’m with you,” he smiled tenderly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. “You can call me Persona.”

Marinette ignored that. In her mind, he was  _ Adrien. _ Always Adrien. 

She took a moment and swallowed her fear thickly before continuing. 

“Mon cœur,” Marinette tried. “What happened? Was it… your father?”

Adrien’s expression turned in an instant. His eyes glowed red hot, like embers in a fire, and his razor sharp teeth were bared in a grimace. 

“That man,” Adrien spat, “said I was behaving too much like you and that I was to break up with you immediately. If he thinks that having you in my life is such a bad thing, then… He was due a change in perspective, anyway.”

“Adrien…” Marinette gasped. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you, but let me help you now. Listen, I’ll go fetch Ladybug and we can fix this right up-”

“No!” He shouted as he moved to stop her, before freezing. “No, what I mean to say is… it’s better this way, don’t you think? As Persona, I can make things  _ better. _ I can make  _ people _ better. My father won’t ever try to keep us apart again! I can make everything perfect, just for us.”

“I don’t really think-”

_ “Please, _ Marinette. Let me do this!” 

Marinette sighed. She had hoped that, because of their relationship, she might’ve had a chance to reason with him. But just as she had learned long ago, there was no reasoning with an akuma. She needed to let him go. 

“Alright, Adrien,” Marinette acquiesced. At her agreement, his whole face lit up.

_ “Girl,” _ Alya hissed from beside her, and Marinette jumped. She’d gotten so caught up in Adrien, she’d forgotten her classmates were even there. Alya’s eyes were narrowed in an expression that screamed  _ ‘what are you doing?!’. _ Marinette winced, waving her off. She needed this to work. 

“Here,” Adrien spoke up, looping his arms beneath her knees and back and lifting her up with ease. Marinette nearly choked. “I’ll take you to your room, where you’ll be safe.”

In an instant, they were leaping out of the window and taking to the skies. Similar to her yo-yo, Adrien pulled taut on spider webs to sling through the air. They’d landed safely on her balcony in a few swings.

“Here you are,” Adrien smiled softly. “Now, I need you to stay here while I get Ladybug’s miraculous. I’ll try to keep any potential fight as far away as possible, so you don’t need to worry.”

Marinette frowned in confusion. “Only Ladybug’s? What about Chat Noir’s ring?”

Adrien’s face darkened, and something akin to guilt flashed in his eyes. Marinette felt her heart sink.

_ Oh, no. _

“It’s already been acquired,” he spoke quietly, his hand slowly and methodically twisting a ring that glinted in the sunlight on his right hand. A ring that looked all too familiar.

“Adrien…” Marinette trailed off in horror. 

Adrien paid her shock no attention, simply pressing a kiss to her cheek and offering her a tight smile before he leapt off of the balcony. Then, he swung away in the direction of the Eiffel Tower. 

As soon as he was out of sight, Tikki emerged from her purse, a tense look in her eyes. “We’ve got to hurry, Marinette,” she spoke decisively. 

“Tikki, he… he… What if he hurt Chat Noir? What if he’s lying somewhere, hurt, and I was just sitting in class? What if-”

“Marinette!” Tikki cut her off. “You can’t worry about him right now. You need to help Adrien first, and then your miraculous cure will put everything back in its place. Including him.”

“Yes, Adrien, you’re… you’re right. Tikki, transform me!”

-

Adrien was easy to find, in the end. Ladybug found him pacing back and forth atop one of the beams of the Eiffel Tower. She swung up to meet him. As she landed, she noticed a purple mask over his face beginning to fade.

“I don’t want to fight you,” Ladybug began. Adrien spun around to face her, his lips pressed in a taut line and brows furrowed. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, fighting off tears at the sight of him. She could almost feel her heart breaking.

“I don’t want to fight you either, Ladybug. Please, hand over your miraculous?” He implored, holding out his palm. Ladybug took a step back and frowned. 

“You know I can’t do that. Why do you want this anyway? What has he offered you?”

She was a bit curious. Ladybug hadn’t seen his powers in action yet, although she knew the reasoning behind them. Gabriel had wanted him to break up with her, and Adrien obviously hadn’t responded well to that. 

Ladybug didn’t think she could blame him. She imagined she would do the same thing if someone was telling her to give up the love of her life.

Adrien eyed her with some suspicion, although he didn’t move to attack her. Ladybug supposed that was a good sign. Still, she wished above anything to be able to reach him. She hated the stiff distance between them. 

_ You can do this, _ Ladybug told herself.  _ You can save him. You  _ have  _ to.  _

“In exchange for bringing Hawkmoth the Miraculous, I’ve been given the power to change someone’s personality,” he explained shortly. Ladybug narrowed her eyes. 

“And what do you intend to do with that?”

The tense expression on his face faded to contentment as he got a faraway look in his eyes. “My father thinks Marinette is a bad influence, but… she’s  _ not. _ She’s amazing and loving and positive. I want to make everyone act like Marinette,  _ including _ my father,” Adrien answered decisively. “Marinette’s  _ wonderful. _ Absolutely wonderful. _ ” _

That… hadn’t been quite what she expected.

“O-Oh?” Ladybug stuttered, feeling a blush creep up her face.

Her voice seemed to remind Adrien of where he was. She watched as he creased his forehead and narrowed his eyes. “So, yes, I do need your Miraculous. I… I can’t lose Marinette. I won’t let anyone keep us apart either! Especially my father. And if I can make the world a better place while I’m at it… well, isn’t that a good thing?”

“A good thing?” Ladybug echoed.

“Yes! You’ve met Marinette. You know how kind and caring she is, how generous! I can make  _ everyone _ like that. The world could be at peace!”

Even akumatized, Adrien still wanted to help people. That was so  _ him.  _

But she couldn’t allow it. 

“I’m sorry about what your father said to you, but this isn’t the right way, Adrien. Free will is part of what makes us human, and we shouldn’t take that away. I’m sure you can understand that?”

Adrien froze at her words, staring down at his hands in confusion. Ladybug’s gaze flitted to them, where she spotted her lucky charm bracelet tied around his wrist.  _ Gotcha.  _ That had to be his akumatized item.

“I…” Adrien started, before being interrupted by a glowing purple mask over his eyes. Ladybug stilled in horror at the sight of it. 

A moment passed, then another. Then, Adrien winced and shook his head quickly. “Yes, yes, I’ll get it! Just… stop!”

He looked up at her pleadingly, his brows heavy. “I’m sorry, Ladybug. I have to do this.”

Without another moment's hesitation, Adrien sprung at her, throwing a web at her hand. Ladybug shrieked, ducking out of the way just in time as it flew past her. Just as she regained her footing, he came at her again, making a swipe at her earrings.

Ladybug jumped from the beam where they both stood, landing on the platform below. Adrien was quick to follow, and, while he recovered from the impact of landing, Ladybug dove for his bracelet.

“Don’t!” Adrien shouted, pulling his wrist close to his chest. “Don’t touch that!”

Ladybug ignored him, making another lunge. Adrien reared backwards with a grimace.

“Come on, Adrien,” Ladybug implored. “This has to end!”

Adrien didn’t respond. Instead, he fired another web in the direction of her head. It caught in her pigtail and as soon as Adrien realized this, he tugged. With a cry, she went tumbling forward, landing hard against the metal beam. 

Adrien dropped to a crouch and reached for her earrings once more. Eyes blown wide open, Ladybug rolled out of his reach.

And into the open sky.

She let loose an unholy shriek as she suddenly found herself falling through the air. Ladybug immediately scrambled for her yo-yo. Before she could, however, something wound tightly around her arms and waist, pulling her to an abrupt stop. 

It took a moment to comprehend that she was slowly being lifted back up. When she finally did, Ladybug stared up in shock.

Adrien was pulling hard on the webbing wrapped around her waist. His face was set in a grimace from the effort, but he didn’t stop until he had pulled her to safety. Ladybug almost melted at the sight. 

_ He’s still in there. He still cares about you. You can still save him. _

The thoughts gave her hope, but she couldn’t relish in it for long. She needed a plan. 

Ladybug had to make sure to act fast. As soon as she was settled on a solid surface, she sprung into action. Using Adrien’s distraction, Ladybug grabbed a hold of the web in his hands and tugged, bringing his wrist right into her reach. She snatched her lucky charm bracelet and snapped the cord holding the beads together. 

Ladybug paid little attention to the sound of the beads clanging against the metal as they fell, focusing only on the dark butterfly that emerged from them. One quick glance at Adrien’s slumped form made her only more determined. Faster than she’d ever done before, she purified the akuma and cast her cure.

A wave of darkness bubbled over Adrien, leaving behind the blonde boy she knew so well. He blinked unsteadily for a moment as he came to his senses, before shouting in surprise as he registered their height. 

“Hey! Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Ladybug soothed, reaching for his hands. She rubbed them gently as he heaved for breath, looking around in shock. 

“Wh-where am I? What happened?” Adrien asked. He turned his horrified eyes on her. “Was I… akumatized?”

“You were, but it’s alright now. You’re safe,” she assured. 

“Oh… oh  _ gosh. _ What did I do? Did I... hurt anyone?” He spoke, sounding so broken and hollow. “I didn’t mean to- I-”

“You didn’t hurt anyone, I promise,” she replied. “Everyone is safe. If you can believe it, you tried to help people.” 

Then, as she swept her thumb across his palm, she hit something. Frowning, she glanced down to see what. 

A ring.

A ring Ladybug had seen Adrien wear for years. A ring Persona had claimed to have taken from Chat Noir. 

A ring that hadn’t been returned during her Miraculous Cure.

She was suddenly hit with a realization of just how similar Adrien and Chat Noir were. They had the same laugh. The same smile. They both loved absolutely  _ awful _ puns. They wore the same ring. There was no other conclusion she could come to. 

Here she was, worried about two boys. One, her love who had been scorned and akumatized. Another, who had lost his only source of protection and been potentially hurt, forever just out of her reach.

They were one in the same. 

She wanted to hold him to her tightly, press tender kisses to his lips, drop her transformation, and never let him go. 

But she couldn't. Not right now.

Right now, Adrien needed her to be there for him. He didn’t need even more secrets to worry about. He needed stability, support, and love.

And, as she sat there, gently caressing his hands, she vowed to give it to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the [Miraculous Fanworks Server](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) for their endless encouragement and love of Miraculous, and happy anniversary! I look forward to many more.


End file.
